‘You must not hang around with Felicia Wilson, Sherlock.’ Mycroft Holmes, his older brother came to his flat on day and said that. Even though he was quite young, but the older Holmes had obtained a minor position in the British government and the family was sure that after a few years, he could become the government.
‘It’s not your business, Mycroft.’ Sherlock was lying in his bed, reading his book and completely ignoring the tall figure standing in the middle of his messy room.
‘It is now. I never care about such average girl like her…’
‘Felicia is not an average girl!’ Sherlock snarled back angrily. To him, she was perfect and he would not change a thing belonged to her.
‘As I said,’ Mycroft lowered his voice, ‘I wouldn’t care about her if her parents didn’t phone Mummy. And you upset her a lot this time, Sherlock.’ He ended with a glare at his younger brother.
‘I did not do anything that upsets her!’ The younger Holmes snapped back. But the fact her parents contacted his mother concerned him terribly. He stood up and grabbed his coat. He had to see her to see what happened at her place. It was his mistake not asking about her family since he did not want to share his. But he should have asked her.
‘Where are you going?’ Mycroft asked.
Sherlock dashed out of the flat and ran as fast as possible to her place.
Felicia was shouting inside the house when Sherlock arrived at her doorstep. He planned to press the doorbell but her voice stopped him. She was crying and her parents’ voices sounded angrily. Then he heard angry footsteps towards the door. And then Felicia’s voice rose:
‘Don’t stop me. It’s my life and I am going to live it the way I want.’ She sobbed and opened the door.
It was when she saw Sherlock standing in front of her with his beautiful grey eyes that were full of confusion. Felicia quickly wiped out her tears and smiled weakly at him. She slammed the door behind her as she approached him. What was he doing here? How much did he hear? She never wanted him to see her cried like this. She wanted him to keep her cheerful and energetic image in his mind.
‘It’s all right.’ Felicia said and grabbed his arms. He felt like he had been dragged away with the surprising force that could never come from her.
Sherlock did not say anything until her house was completely out of sight. She was not all right. The way her hand held on to his arms was not at all all right. Felicia never acted like that towards anyone. He knew he had to stop walking. It was now or never. He had to ask her what was going on. He had toknow. He wanted to.
So he stopped.
‘Felicia!’ Sherlock called her by her name. It was not like he never called her like that but this time he sounded more demanding.
‘Let’s find a place to talk.’ She whispered softly. ‘How about yours?’
‘That’s okay. I guess my brother had already left.’ Sherlock nodded.
Felicia smiled as she continued to hold on to his arm and walk to his flat.
It only took them twenty minutes to get to his flat. During their walk, Felicia hardly spoke. Every time he looked down to see her, she just avoided his eyes. She never did that before. The reason why he enjoyed talking with her was her honesty and she never looked elsewhere but his eyes when she told him something important. And now Sherlock was dying to see those beautiful golden eyes again and she just hid them away from him.
It was a weekday, as he recalled, so all the people in the flat were there. When they came home with her hands tangled with his arm, everyone stared at them in shock. They never saw Sherlock with a woman, and now he was with one. She was stunning and definitely beyond a freak’s reach. Then they realised that girl was Felicia Wilson, the other freak. Horrified looks appeared. And Sherlock was not sure if they were scared or not when he opened the door of his room and they walked in. He never had time to observed them since the only one that concerned him was Felicia.
‘Sorry, it’s not that tidy.’ Sherlock said quietly.
She shook her head and gave him a gently smile. Sherlock quickly put away all the books on his bed to give her some space to sit. She softly chuckled to see his clumsy action. Who knew Sherlock Holmes, the annoyance, could be this awkward. Felicia could not help but thinking it was her fault. She should never have let him see her cry. Sherlock turned on the heater and wrapped a blanket around her body. Then he left the room to get her some drink.
‘Here.’ He gave her a hot cup of chocolate. ‘It’ll warm you up.’ Then he came to sit next to her on his bed. She nodded and took the cup from him.
‘Thank you.’ She said.
After that was the longest silent moment in his life. Both of them did not open their mouth to talk. It was just like the time they sat in the astronomy room for hours and stared at the sky, but this time there was no sky. Sometimes he secretly turned to see her and caught her staring blankly at the space before her eyes. There was the saddest smile he saw on her face. She looked pale and tired than ever. What had happened to her? Sherlock knew she was not physically strong but she always carried sunshine with her. Her sunshine lightened up his sky. And now it had gone.
‘I’m sorry.’ She suddenly said. Felicia put the cup on the small table beside the bed and turned to see him. ‘I shouldn’t let my parents call your mother.’
‘Why did they call her?’ Sherlock asked.
‘Because they think you’re a bad influence in my life. It’s ridiculous! How can a guy with unbelievable knowledge about the world be a bad influence?’ She raised her voice.
‘Am I?’ He asked, demandingly.
‘No!’ She snapped back.
‘What is wrong? Don’t you dare ignore me this time, Felicia!’ Sherlock grabbed her shoulders and faced her.
Felicia frowned lightly. Then she moved closer to him. Her hands made its way to find his. It was cold, as usual. Sherlock held her hand tightly. His breath became faster as he felt the sparks fly when she touched him. He knew he should not felt like this but when he realised that, it was too late for him to do anything. To Sherlock, Felicia was special. And there were chances that he could name the indescribable feelings in his heart. She found his heart.
London suddenly became warmer when she was in his arms. Sherlock did not have an explanation for this action because he followed his thoughts and they told him to do so. Her shoulders were shaking. She was crying, he was sure. He could also feel her arms wrapped around his body. It was the first time he knew she was so slim and fragile. And for the first time, his everything was right there, in his arms, more important than anything else. The time had stopped and the earth stood still. Completely zero gravity, he was captured in her world.
They could not remember how many hours had passed. Felicia was lying in his arms for so long that all of her senses started to melt away. Sherlock looked at her face. Her eyes were closed tightly. Her lips looked pale and her skin was whiter than ever. She was just like a small snowflake and everything could take her away from him in no time. She was leaning on his chest. And it was okay if he stayed like this forever.
‘Hey, are you awake?’ Felicia suddenly spoke.
‘Yes, I am.’ Sherlock replied. He coughed as she moved up a little bit to face him. They were sharing his pillow now.
‘You remembered the time I told you your deductions were not exactly right?’ She said and she giggled as he frowned annoyingly. The frown confirmed everything. And it seemed like he was still annoyed. ‘It’s true I woke up late, I attended some kind of spoiled party the day before but I did get a hold of myself and I definitely did not have a hangover. My little sister, Fiona, did. I came to watch her.’
‘But the alcohol smell?’ He protested.
‘Fiona poured it on me. She never acted like that before. So I stayed with her to make sure she got to school on time the next day.’ She said.
‘Why didn’t you say it back then?’ He asked.
‘Because I thought…’ She looked away. ‘I thought we could never be this close. It’s fine if you just ignore me, like everyone did. But you turned back to see me. Your eyes changed my whole world.’
‘Is… that… so?’ Sherlock blushed. Felicia laughed when she saw him blushing that serious.
‘Yes. So I won’t let anyone take what’s in front of me away… as long as… I’m still here.’ She said.
‘What do you mean?’ Sherlock sat up a little bit. His elbow was used as leverage for him to look at her from above. She turned to look at him in the eyes.
‘I’m a selfish person. I shouldn’t have talked to you. I shouldn’t have made you change like this.’ She smiled sadly. ‘But I want to. Just take it as a simple deduction. Why do you think I’m obsessed about the sky?’
Sherlock widened his eyes. He stared at her surprisingly. The sky. Her obsession. Her lips. Her cold. Felicia was his everything.
‘No. You’re lying.’ Sherlock said horrifyingly. For the first time of his life, he was scared. ‘You’re lying, Felicia!’ He just lied to himself like that.
They were fighting very hard. Sherlock’s shouting was echoing around the flat. Felicia also yelled at him angrily. They were not mad at each other, and none of them were to blame. The fate had its own fault and they just blamed on it through the other.
‘You should have told me!’ Sherlock shouted angrily. He wished he had known. Even though he could not do anything about it but he wanted to know.
‘So what? It’s not like you and I can change anything! Besides I don’t want you look at me with pity eyes!’
‘What? I don’t mean that. I just simply want to know!’ He snarled back angrily.
‘So what?’ She screamed back.
‘So I could love you more properly!’ He yelled. By the time he finished his sentence, he realised that he had confessed his feelings to her. She looked at him with her eyes wide opened. Then right after that a tear appeared at the corner of her eye.
‘That’s why.’ She sobbed, letting herself fall into his bed once again.
‘You and I are both selfish, I guess.’ He came to sit next to her.
Sherlock gently wiped her tears away. She just looked at him with those golden eyes that took all his words away. Sherlock moved closer to her for a kiss. For the whole time, he felt like he missed something, and now he finally found it. Felicia did not resist it. She responded to his kiss with the same passion. The young Sherlock Holmes felt like he already had enough, even though the cruel world out there was ready to take it all away from him in any second.
They did not met for several days. Sherlock came to her house to see her but her sister told him that she was away with her parents. He could not get into the house so there was no way he could make any deduction about where they had gone. There was no sight of her anywhere in the campus. He could not get in touch with her, either. The young detective knew that it was useless asking his brother or his mother, so he stayed away from them, too. Felicia had disappeared in thin air. And for the first time, he felt helpless towards something.
But he never gave up. He always came to her house in the evening to ask where she was. But the only person answered the door was Fiona. He never met her parents. The sister was not a good help. She was helpless just like him. She was devastated when she knew she would lose Felicia within a few months. That was kind of explained her spoiled actions. Sherlock was the same, he lost her within hours of the very day he found out about her obsession with the sky. At least they had something that connected them. They both loved Felicia.
There was one time he came, the little sister was waiting for him at the veranda. She just shook her head and said she was sorry because she could not give him the answer. Her parents did not tell her anything either. She was worried. Her face looked pale. She resembled Felicia a lot, so Sherlock never stayed too long. He was afraid that his mind would drive him crazy.
‘Take very care of yourself. Felicia is worried about you.’ Sherlock once told her, when he turned away.
‘I will.’ She whispered. Her voice sounded like she was crying.
One day, he came and saw both her parents were at home. Her father opened the door for him. As soon as he saw who was at his door, he furiously closed it. Even though it was only second but he could see her mother was holding her little sister in the arms. Even the man’s eyes were red. He could not knock anymore. The young detective-to-be slowly turned away from her house and walked away.
Sherlock Holmes remembered he had spent the whole night in the astronomy room, looking through the microscope they once shared, hoping hopelessly he could find out how she was up there.
He came to her house again, this time with a bunch of white lilies. He pressed the doorbell. When her father came, he stopped the man from slamming the door in front of him:
‘I want to visit her. Just once.’ Sherlock held his hand on the door and looked at the man’s eyes. ‘Please.’ It was the first time he begged.
‘Just let him, Dad!’ Her little sister appeared. She gave him a letter with Felicia’s handwriting on it. It was addressed to him.
‘Fiona Wilson!’ The man yelled at his daughter.
‘Sis was happy!’ The young girl shouted.
‘Thank you.’ Sherlock replied after Fiona told him the place.
Her letter was not that long. But he never remembered reading it properly.
All that he knew was her name was engraved carefully and her grave was lying calmly in the cemetery.
All that he knew was the white flowers could not ease his pain of losing her forever.
All that he knew was he never loved her enough, he never told her he loved her enough.
All that he knew was the coldness of her hands that haunted him now and then.
All that he knew was her smile that saved him a hundred thousand times, was her brown hair that playfully danced in the air, was her beautiful golden eyes that he wanted to kept for himself forever.
All that he knew was the grey-ish sky that she adored, was the life that she imagined.
All that he knew was she told him in the letter that:
‘Your beautiful grey eyes are my skies, Sherlock, not the sky I usually see from the window.‘
1982 – 2002
beloved daughter and sister
died of cancer